I'll Just Pretend I Knew

Same Walk, Different Shoes

“Same Walk, Different Shoes” is a community writing project that Ben Wakemanorganized as a practical exercise in empathy. The premise is simple. A group of writers anonymously contribute a personal story of an experience that changed their life. Each participating writer is randomly assigned one of these story prompts to turn into a short story. The story you are about to read is one from this collection. You can find all the stories from the participating writers at Catch & Release. Enjoy the walk with us.

I just continued walking. I was determined to visit my friend. I wanted to keep everything as it was before that woman told me about my parents’ divorce. It was more than a want. It was an urgent desire to save the status quo. To pretend, as best as I could, that nothing happened. 

That woman, one of my friend’s mom, with her «I’m so sorry that your parents are divorcing» thing was indeed a surprise. Yes, I told her I knew. I even shrugged, doing my best theatrics, covering up my shock. No, the fact of the divorce wasn’t shocking as I already heard quarrels and witnessed hushed up arguments. But it was shocking that my parents didn’t share the news with me before spilling it out. If they thought a 9-year-old kid won’t understand it, they were ridiculously wrong. 

I kept walking.

For some time, my walk was a business-as-usual thing. At least on the surface, because inside of me a hurricane of thoughts was unravelling. 

If that woman already knew, there must be more people with the same information. 

Who? 

Were they all parents of my friends? Or my friends also? 

Teachers at school? 

Neighbors we never talked to, but they ended up know everything? 

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I stopped as the new emotion struck me: of course, many people knew. And nothing will stay the same. They will feel sorry for me. I will hear the same sentiment over and over again. I will see that look of sad understanding in all those people’s eyes. 

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Did I care? No, I didn’t. Not about their emotions towards me.

But what I did care about was the realization that I will have to answer something to that collective expression of support. Each and every time I will have to react. 

This realization bothered me. I didn’t resume walking as if this sudden thought dropped an enormous pressure on my body; it became so heavy under it I couldn’t move. 

I looked around to shake off the numbness. 

What I saw definitely shook me, but not in the way I expected. 

Everywhere - on the walls of houses, in windows, around corners, on the ground, in the very air - fingers pointing at me. Then a whisper «YOUR parents are divorcing and we all knew that before you!» started to whirl around me. 

I clearly understood that what I saw and heard was impossible. And yet, that illusion was so vivid and real that I’ve got scared. 

Did my friend whom I was so determined to visit also knew? Will she try to conceal this to not make me feel bad, or will she mock me instead? Will our friendship be over in just several moments? 

No. Stop it. 

STOP!

I shook my head to make the illusion - and upsetting thoughts - disappear. They did. 

No.

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I won’t allow these silly thoughts to control me. I won’t allow this situation to ruin my day. I will just walk to my friend’s place, and we’ll spend a cool time together. I can control at least that. 

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I will think and worry about the rest later. 

And I will pretend that I know about the divorce already whenever people will express their annoying support to me. 

Now, I will just keep walking.  

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• Disclaimer:

  English is not my native language, I’m sorry for the mistakes (on the other hand, they prove this text was written by a human, no ai involved).